Since it's officially a snow day and long barren wastelands of unstructured time stretch before us, we're starting a game of RISK. And since there are only two humans in the house, we're spicing up the game by inviting the pets to play.
Tula and Dusty are teaming up to form the Mild Blue Armies of Submission. Their generals and commandantes gather in smoky war rooms and show each other their bellies. The strategic plan of Army Blue relies heavily on napping. But on rare occasions they may react with unbridled aggression.
Flea commands the Fierce Sharp-Clawed Black Armies of Doom. She always attacks, but she exercises subtle tactics. Watch out!
Kelly leads the Yellow Armies of Sweetness and Light. Her avowed goal is to beat the pants off her husband.
Scott's armies are the Red Hordes of Reasonable Dialogue.
We'll provide updates as play progresses through the evening. How exciting!
8:22: Three rounds in. Yellow wins laurels for aggressive play, with three cards conquered in three rounds, and a strong hold on Europe. Early indications are the Red is angling for SE Asia. Black is losing territory steadily, while Blue sleepwalks through conquering Africa.
8:44: Dusty and Tula awaken, cross the Mediterranean from Egypt and North Africa and embark on a bloodbath in Europe. It's looking good for Blue.
8:50: Kelly is shaken by heavy losses in Europe but wants Britain back. Her bid fails miserably. But hey, she still holds all of South America. She takes Afghanistan to quench her thirst for blood.
8:52: The humans are dismayed to realize they're losing to the pets.
8:57: Red turns in a set to finance his dreams of occupying North America. Not quite there yet.
8:59: Flea is on the verge of disappearing. But a new set breathes new life into the sweet little beastie. She takes back Western US and retires.
9:01: Tula & Dusty are a major power in S. Europe. But they sit and do nothing.
9:02: The world map is coalescing as world powers emerge. Red and Black are tangling over North America. Red and Yellow contest Asia. Red holds Australia; Yellow has South America. Blue hold Africa.
9:05: A brutal and fruitless skirmish at the Equator between Central America and Venezuela.
9:13: Kelly turns in the fourth set for 10 armies. In real life, the cats and dog are paying no attention to the high drama unfolding on the world stage. Yellow's on a mission to retake Europe from the dog and her crafty feline companion. Kelly's Scandinavian elites prevail over Britain.
9:20: Red plunks down 20 armies on India and sweeps through the Middle East and into Africa.
9:29: Flea puts down the sixth set and kicks Red out of North America in spectacular fashion. While she's at it, she keeps going and takes Greenland, Iceland, Scandinavia, and Britain from Kelly. Flushed with triumph, she demands wet food as tribute.
9:36: Tula and Dusty turn in the seventh set for 20 armies. But after a massive buildup of armies in Europe, they get sleepy and do nothing.
9:39: Minor skirmishing in Japan. Kelly's getting bored. Time for a beverage break.
9:42: More skirmishing in SE Asia. Red takes Japan and Ural; for once, the Big Red One is hitting on all cylinders. Kelly's reading the community paper. .
9:45: Flea takes a couple of half-hearted swipes at Venezuela.
9:49: More buildup and inaction from the cat/dog duo.
9:53: More random skirmishing. Flea asserts her presence in Europe, ignoring a treasure-trove of strategic interests in her South American neighborhood.
9:57: Armageddon looms as Kelly turns in the eighth set. She rolls the rare triple 3 as Yakutsk invades Irkutsk.
10:05: Flea tries again with Venezuela, but no luck.
10:07: Blue takes East Africa.
10:09: Yellow drives a wedge into Red's hold on the Indian Ocean seaboard.
10:11: It's time to take the dog for a walk. Flea is declared ruler of the world and game winner. None of us ever really doubted it would end this way.
