scientific method

Unkind hints have already been made in this forum about a certain sweet-tempered Bucket’s indelicate mass. Or how shall we say. . . weight problem? But before we libel the pudgy little marmot any further, let’s get the facts straight. What we know so far, scientifically speaking:

• She weighs as much as a squirmy bag of sugar.
• She chews and shreds paper products with great relish, especially cardboard. This is known as pica. This handy pathology saves us the expense of buying and maintaining a costly document shredder and keeps us safe from identity theft.
• She often steals toilet paper or kleenex, drowns it in her water dish, soaks it, and then gorges on the resulting tasty gruel. Nothing but empty calories, cat.
• She only gets 2/3 cup of crunchy food a day: 1/3 cup in the morning and 1/3 cup in the evening, both intensely anticipated and wildly celebrated.
• And yet she gains.

Hypothesis #1: She’s hungry.
Hypothesis #2: She’s bored.

This calls for experimentation and hardcore data collection. To that end, we’ve placed an unadorned carrot on a plate and placed the plate on the dining room table. We’ll leave it unguarded overnight and see what morning brings. Have at it, Bucket. Carrots improve night vision.